First you take the frosting and you spread it….

LikeALionAs promised/threatened, a traditional March saying personified. Animal…ified? A LITERAL PICTORIAL REPRESENTATION OF A METAPHORICAL EXPRESSION. Or something. Anyhow, I might be able to draw a mane if you gave me enough time and a good eraser, but it’s late and it’s my birthday (observed), so you’re getting a grumpy lioness with bad breath.

But I know what you’re really wondering about, so here it is: Yes, my biscuit-and-chocolate mushrooms arrived in time for my birthday, to everyone’s great relief. Additionally, there were just enough in the package to use in lieu of candles, plus one to taste/admire and a broken one to nibble while I worked.


…Yes, they’re strawberry on top. Strawberry-and-chocolate is the superior flavor, I don’t care how they look. The cake itself is a cake-mix yellow cake with canned frosting and those sprinkles that sit under the lid like those horrible/awesome looking Dannon yogurts I always eyed with revulsion/longing as we meandered through the dairy aisle. But it’s a birthday cake, it’s not supposed to taste exquisite or require any effort on my part. It’s supposed to have bright colors and be cake-shaped and have frosting and be very very sweet. Mission undeniably accomplished on all fronts. Well, it was more cake-shaped than it looks in that immediately-post-frosting picture, and even more so pre-frosting. I don’t have time for perfect frosting, I have feasting to do.

Oh, but it DOES need to have at least two layers, frosting all down the sides, and a certain kitchen-sponge-like color and texture, so as to properly emulate the mythical perfection of Barney’s Birthday Cake right down to the moment when you shove the candles (or in my case, tiny mushrooms) into its springy center. Come on. You know which one I mean. While a perfectly cylindrical cake frosted by impossibly-well-coordinated musical preschoolers is unfortunately too much to ask for on most birthdays, this year was my closest yet despite the embellishments and laziness. I may have sung a small cake-decorating song while I made it. I may also have tried to use a giant rubber spatula until I realized there’s a reason I never use a giant rubber spatula to frost a cake.

Anyhow, the cake was fabulous, the sprinkles are EVERYWHERE, and I may not need to cook again for a week. See you next month!


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